The Work and Spirituality Loop
I make good money right now as a senior software engineer at a health tech company. I'm comfortable, but I'm stuck in a loop.
I work 8 hours a day at my day job, and then I've been adding another couple hours working on a side project that could increase my income and maybe turn into a full-time opportunity. I'm making more money, but I feel like I don't have any time for spiritual practices. Zero time for working out, hiking, or even spending quality time with my son.
The weird loop: I'm trying to make more money so I can spend time with loved ones, but making more money is taking away the time I want to spend with them. Why am I trying to make more money? So I can spend time with loved ones? It's a circular trap.
My biggest worry is not having a roof or food for my son. I'm fine with living in a tent in the wilderness - I'd love to go live with the forest monks in Sri Lanka. But my son cannot do this, or this is not the path for him. This is what's making me work so much to ensure we pay our bills. Otherwise, I would easily go live with my parents in Sri Lanka. They would love that too.
But here's the thing: I want to move away from my current work and focus on spirituality. I don't know exactly what I want to do yet, but even something like reiki, or tarot card reading, or research and documenting like a YouTube channel. I want my daily focus to revolve around God and the study and practice of God. Or simply meditate for 4 hours a day if that's even possible. Maybe I can run a guided meditation business.
A couple weeks ago, I made a Sri Lankan feast for me and my son. I made curry, beet salad, parippu, and malung. I spent over 2 hours just cooking in the kitchen. The only time I used my phone was to speak with AI about the cooking and food. No thoughts about work. That felt so awesome to just shut off my work brain and focus on something completely different. This is how I feel when I work out as well or go hiking. I want to do more of that. But again, my mind goes back into, "what if you cannot pay your bills?"
I think the anxiety isn't really about money - it's about purpose. I'm anxious because I'm not living my purpose. More money won't fix that. Living my purpose might.
The realization: Spirituality should be the most important thing. Not work. Not making more money. Not security through accumulation. Spirituality - connection to God, service to others, living my purpose as a Bodhisattva, as a Naga protector, as someone who came back here to help.
The plan: After wrapping up the side project, stick to one job. Then all my remaining time, focus on my spiritual growth. Focus on the things that bring me joy and presence - cooking, fitness, hiking, spiritual practices, time with my son.
I've calculated my "enough" number - what I need to provide for my son and still have time for my purpose. It's comfortable, but I will never be able to get a house or a 3rd bedroom. And I am OK with that. That's my "enough" number. I can provide for my son and still have time for my purpose.
The path forward: One job (8 hours), then stop. Protect my time boundaries. Use remaining time for spiritual practice, fitness, cooking, hiking, content creation, and time with my son. Start building spiritual income gradually - reiki, tarot, guided meditation, content creation. Transition over time, not all at once.
The weird loop breaks when I choose purpose over security. Security is an illusion anyway - nothing is guaranteed. But living my purpose? That's real. That's why I'm here.
Spirituality should be the most important thing.